I guess I was right!

The gallbladder came out yesterday and its been a huge relief! Even though I'm in all the typical post operative pain, all the low lying pain that's been hanging out for months is already gone.

I'm still in the hospital and plan to get out today. They've still got me on the all fluid diet, but I've been sneaking some Halloween candy anyway. I'm not nauseated or weak and tired. Lets get out of here.

I'm beginning to think a lot of the symptoms I've been experiencing since the baby was born in March are due in large part to this gallbladder. I look forward to my next post where I can really reflect and see how things are improved.

Create a wonderful and blessed day!

An explanation??

I think I know what the heck is going on... 

I've been incredibly sleepy these days and having a hard time getting my energy back. Not that uncommon in a Sjogren's patient.

However, those incredibly painful episodes of heart burn have reared their ugly head again, too. Hmm. I would wake up at night with pain below my ribs that radiated into my chest and shoulders. I felt hot and sweaty, nauseated, and dizzy.

The first time I felt like this, I was 20 weeks pregnant and thought I was having a heart attack. We called an ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. They quickly discovered that my heart was fine, baby was fine. They gave me a numbing medication to swallow and everything felt so much better.  This happened a few more times while I was pregnant and I controlled it by eating a super bland diet.  How fun.

Well, those episodes are coming back...with a vengeance!!  Instead of lasting for an hour or less, they are lasting for a whole day! Now, when I breathe in, I feel a sharp pain in my right side under my rib.

Are you with me? Do you know where I'm going with this?

Checked in with my doctor who is sending me for an MRI tomorrow morning to check my...wait for it...gallbladder. Sigh.

While she's at it, she's running a test for celiac disease just to rule it out.

I have known for a while that I have a gallstone. I have resisted surgery because there is no good reason to just rip out random organs that aren't causing any problems. Well, well, well. There is certainly a problem now. I am ready to go. I am ready to have this thing removed. Bring it on.

A friend of mine who recently had her gallbladder out told me that she didn't even use pain meds when recovering from the surgery. She was so relieved to have all that persistent pain gone, she was able to handle the recovery pain.

I look forward to full nights of sleep again. I look forward to not writhing with low level, irritating discomfort all day. I hope the MRI reveals this simple fix and everything gets back to getting better.

Sleepy, sleepy girl

Howdy y'all.

I've been MIA for a while.

After my procedure (so delicately described in the previous post), I have been unable to bounce back.

I can't get my mojo for exercise, work, kids, etc.

.:yawn!:.

Back to sleep...or, at least, whatever it's called when you go through your day with your eyes open and your brain in sleep mode.

Nighty, night..

Preppy!

Tomorrow is a big day. It's not for the weak or timid. Tomorrow is...

Colonoscopy Prep Day!

By all accounts, the prep is far worse than the actual procedure. I have my fridge stocked up with Gatorade and jello. I have firm instructions for Pal to take kids out for dinner tomorrow night. I imagine things are gonna get ugly around here.

Honestly, I can handle getting colon squeaky clean. Bring it on. What I'm most nervous about is how I'm going to feel not being able to eat anything from NOW until Monday afternoon at 2:30. Oh shit.

I think Pal taking the kids out for dinner is for their own safety. And his sanity.

Time for more clear liquids. Bottom's up!!

Weird flare symptoms...?

For the past couple of days, I've been in a moderate flare up of this blessed illness. Along with the usual mood and energy instability came another "regular" I've become accustomed to seeing: sore, sensitive skin on my left forearm. I don't see any sign of irritation on my arm, but it's so sensitive that it hurts to wear long sleeves. It hurts in only a 2x2 inch patch. It's weird.

I really have no idea if this skin symptom is related to my flares, but it's a good idea to keep track.

Please enjoy this snapshot of my lovely apple pie. I'm in a bake-off at work tomorrow morning and this lovely piece of art is my entry. Delicious!

Twins vs. Yankees

We attended a ball game last night thanks to the generosity of someone in my office. The kids had a great time and we're all very excited to go back again. We only made it through three innings, but with a four year old and a six month old, we considered that a success.

Dental Insecurities

Physical symptoms: mild parotid swelling, overheating
Mood: Med High
Energy: Great!

I hate going to the dentist. And, I'm pretty sure, I hate it more than most. If there was an award for Most Sensitive Teeth in the Minnesota, I'm confident that I could be in the top five finalists. I can barely eat room temperature food without discomfort. Food must be warm, but not TOO warm. Ice cream must be melted. And chewing raw fruit that has any sort of acidity...forget about it. I don't even remember the last time I ate an orange.

Given that I have Sjogren's Syndrome, there is no wiggle room in skipping dental appointments. It's been two years since I've seen a dentist and that's a damn shame.

And like any good adult, I put on my big girl pants and got my ass in to see the dentist. I was super anxious heading in to my appointment due to the aforementioned sensitivity. In the past, dentists and hygeinists have given me the "Oh it's not that BAD" routine when I've been very comfortable. I know it's a pain in the ass to deal with squirmy, sometimes tearful patients...and I have accepted my role as one of them.

As I expected, I had lots of sensitivity and lots of pain with my exam. I didn't get my cleaning done today (that's a little gift for next week!), but the inspection was bad enough. Jeez. However, this time, the dentist offered me some MI paste that people use after their teeth whitening appointments. She gave me a full size bottle of it and applied some before I left. What a difference that made!

I chewed the apples in my salad for the first time without cringes!

What's next?

Perhaps...an orange?

Continued Health and Wellness

Physical symptoms: mild dry mouth, mild dry eyes
Mood: Pretty steady
Energy: fantastic!

I saw my rheumy last week. Nothing much new to report. I let her know that I was having days where I could not get things going, fatigue could still get my down. She reminded me that I just had a baby six months ago, am working full time, and have two kids at home. That's enough to make anyone tired, not just someone with an autoimmune disorder. She gave me a prescription for prednisone for the days when I need some help. I'll report back here when I get a chance to use it and let you know how it works.

I saw my nurse practitioner a couple of weeks ago and she mentioned that my health and well being may be improved by eating better and losing some weight.  (I'd like to file this in the "No shit, Sherlock" category). I let her know that I had been working on some new dietary measures, getting to yoga and pilates a couple days per week, but this time the weight is more stubborn. She recommended to me the Mayo Clinic Diet.

For the past couple of weeks, I've been on the Mayo Clinic Diet and it's been pretty good. If you are the type of person who imagines the secret to your success is eating lots of fruits and vegetables, more whole foods and less processed food, and getting some exercise everyday, then this is the plan for you. It's been pretty darn great. While I haven't seen the scale go down so much, I have lost three inches around my waist in these two weeks. Simply, amazing for someone such as I.

I've made a goal of reducing the circumfrence of my waist by 9 inches. I'm a third of the way there!

Brain Fogginess

This photo really has nothing to do with today, I just thought it was a fun shot of my husband and my kid.

 

Mood: Stable

Energy: Moderate

Physical symptoms: sweating, flushed, thirsty

 

My husband pointed out to me yesterday that my blog has been highly focused on the physical aspect of my wellness and was seriously lacking attention to my other Sjogren's symptoms. Well, this one is just for you, Pal!

 

I've read that Sjogren's Syndrome can have an effect on one's cognitive processes. Pfft, I thought. My brain is as sharp as a tack and there is not one ounce of evidence that I'm losing my edge...until now.

 

Recently, I've been having that experience where you just...can't...think...of the word...you want to use!!  We've all had this happen, and I'd bet it happens more when we're under stress of any kind. However, my experience has been especially troublesome. I will sit there for a few minutes, I will tap my hand on the table, make nonsense noises, widen my eyes, slightly shake my head, and...eventually...just throw my hands up in defeat.

 

My Pal noticed this happening more and more and asked me why I hadn't included this information on my blog.

 

So there. It's on.

PS: I see my energy worker again tomorrow. I will update appropriately.

Fitness Quest

I've signed up to work with a personal trainer. Oh good god.

I've never worked with a trainer before and I'm quite nervous. I'm going to sweat like some sort of farm animal and become out of breath and gross while trying to communicate effectively with this total stranger who is trying to motivate me.

Weird.

I'm trying to decide if I should keep up with my lunchtime pilates and yoga classes. I'm getting to class, on average, once per week, but it's available 4 days per week. I find myself questioning whether to stay in because down-time is so hard to come by in my life with two small kids and one overgrown kid at home. Here are the questions I'm asking myself:

1. Am I benefitting from these lunchtime classes?
2. Do I miss my one hour break of reading or knitting enough to drop the classes?
3. Am I just trying to justify laziness?

Ugh. Maybe it's time for a compromise.  Maybe I'll commit to making one lunchtime class per week instead of angonizing over it every fricken day I'm at work. That sounds like a better plan.

Some days, it feels like this.

Mood: cautious (?? is that a mood?)

Energy level: moderate

Physical symptoms: running hot, some facial swelling

I am happy to report that my attempt to get back on track has been successful, at about the 85% rate. Here is what I can report:

1. I took my medicine on time yesterday and today!

2. I refrained from the obscene amounts of junk and convenience food.

3. I was good and active this weekend!

4. I bought foods that are good for my wellness.

5. I spent time with friends who make me laugh.

6. I am on the blog again, reporting the good news!

It is my hope that I will attend my lunchtime classes this week again. I have been slacking there lately. Yoga and pilates offered free at lunch is silly to pass up.

I see my rheumy in a couple of weeks. It takes months to get in to see her so this will be my last appointment for about a year or so. My last blood draw showed that my levels of SSA and SSB antibodies were still very high (190 and 86, respectively and a positive test is anything over 20). I hope that we can get those levels down and start feeling better.

Off to prepare my lunch for tomorrow, then to bed. I just had a stupid argument with my husband and I'm all agitated. Prolly take me an hour just to get to sleep!

All best to you and the ones you love!

Keep Calm and Carry On

"You're going to be just fine"

- from the box of Band Aids in my bathroom

Mood: labile, tearful
Energy: low to moderate
Physical symptoms: beginning to show

I'm in a dirt pile right now. I've completely let go of everything I was working on so hard and made my way back to the land of candy and crap and convenience eating. What a sad state.

In fact, my pants are feeling tight right now. I'ma go change into my comfies...

brb...

Back on line...

Much better .::relieved sigh::.

A wise man said to me: "Change happens when you get uncomfortable"  True dat.

I have been refraining from writing on here due to the embarrassment (and, I'll admit it, shame) that I feel about how far I've fallen in such a short period of time. I had to remind myself today that the falls are just as important as the get-back-ups and their documentation is crucial. How else will I know how to predict and prevent this behavior that is so destructive?

I won't bore you with the details of my crash. I know them well, so I will not be short changed by not keeping a strict inventory here. If at some point I think making a strict inventory will be beneficial, I will certainly add it here.

Okay, the plan to get back on track:

What has been working during this fall (i.e. do more of this):

• I've kept up with my exercise on the weekends
• I'm eating at home in the evenings instead of out to eat
• I make gluten free choices when they are just as accessible as mainstream choices
• I make time to be alone when I need it

What needs improvement:

• Meds have not been taken consistently
• Eating candy and drinking caffeine (the two biggest baddies!)
• More fruits and vegetables in my meals
• Journaling and reflection (including blog)
• Tracking food and activity
• Activity during the week
• Lunches in restaurants during the week

Next steps:

• Water, water, water: two 32 oz bottles tomorrow
• Take meds immediately after brushing teeth
• Have a fruit smoothie for breakfast
• Attend the Saturday Kettle Bell class
• Purchase microwaveable veggies in a bag, fresh fruits, and my fav yogurt
• Go shopping with my hubby for some fun time
• Take a nap
• Blog my success!

Hey, the Band Aids were right! I am going to be just fine.

Acupuncture, Energy, and Laughter

In the latest installment of my journey to wellness, I had a fantastic visit with my lady friends from graduate school. We all hunkered down to watch movies, sit by the pool, and make very inappropriate music videos. I would post one here for you all to see,...but I may not get invited back for next year.  We laughed our arses off. The kind of laughing where your throat gets soar and your eyes water. Ooooh, it's like fuel for the soul.

One of my dear lady friends at this girls' weekend recently lost her older brother. Part of her journey of grief and recovery from this traumatic loss has been to work with an energy worker to help clear the energy sitting stagnant. She described her experience with this energy worker as powerful and enlightening. My interest was piqued.

I set up an appointment with the energy worker and had a very moving experience. She read chakras, she allowed for energy clearing, and had some clairvoyant capabilities, as well. I won't bore you with the details of this experience, but I had an excellent opportunity to help my body and emotions catch up with the progress my mind has made in terms of forgiveness and healing.

My acupuncture appointments have been going well, too. I enjoy being in the presence of my acupuncturist Stefanie Beniek and having time to relax and heal. She placed some tiny magnets in my ears as acupressure points and the things are still in there after a week!  I hope that doesn't say anything about my hygeine.

I continue to experiment with my diet. I have been intentionally seeking out gluten free options when I can find them. I'm beginning to wonder whether the fatigue I feel when I eat sugar is actually due to gluten. It's so hard for me to tell if I don't completely start from scratch and add back foods individually. I don't have that kind of patience. And...with two small children...it almost seems like a luxury to be so patient.

Sending you love and good energy! Make a great day for yourself!

Downward Spiral...

And now, for your guilty pleasure, let me perform for you...the downward SPIRAL!

.:cue circus music:.

Step 1: Go to an outdoor wedding, do not wear bug repellent, and get bitten up like a virgin in a vampire movie.

Step 2: Take a benedryl in the morning before going to work to keep self from itching

Step 3: Get incredibly sleepy and rationalize the purchase of a huge diet soda to keep self awake

Step 4: Ingest bucketloads of aspartame and the unholy cravings for sugar and carbs return with a vengence

Step 5: Ingest bucketloads of carbs and get more tired and sluggish than before

Step 6: Experience the regret of a wasted day

Step 7: CRASH!

I'm going to my acupuncture appointment tonight. I hope that helps. Stupid bug bites. The catalyst for a day of bad decision making.

Aspartame. The New Gateway Drug.

Energy: solid
Mood: stable
Physical Symptoms: nil

I can say, without hesitation, that sugar is the one thing in my diet that makes me feel crummy...dumpy...tired...done. And yet, I crave sugar like no other flavor or food on the planet! I can't get enough! In fact, if there were a community based anonymous support group for sugar junkies...I would attend it.

But something weird is happening this week...

Have you ever heard that consuming sugar substitutes (e.g. aspartame) can make you crave sugar more?  I have heard this before, but I don't have the time to research it to provide you with a link of any substance. In addition, a friend of mine with Sjogren's Syndrome told me that his doctor told him to cut out aspartame. *Something to think about and explore in another post.*

As chance would have it, I have eliminated caffeine from my diet this week in order to sleep better at night. I love an ice cold Diet Pepsi in the morning and when I would have one, I would have another,...and another,...all day long. This was interfering with the quality of my sleep, so I cut it out. Sleep has been better, more sound. And I wake up easier in the morning, too.

And there is another happy side effect!

I. am. not. craving. sugar.

This is the first time in my life I can remember not scavenging for sugar in this many days. Now, I am not so bold as to claim that the absence of Diet Pepsi in my life has eliminated my cravings for sugar. However, the coincidence is worth noting.

And as Solution Focused Therapy tells us... if something is working for you, keep doing it!

I admit, there is a certain amount of grief I feel regarding the elimination of that fizzy, ice cold, cup of heaven in the morning. How could something so great be so wrong for me?  I do have a sad face on as I write this.

I can't imagine my whole life without soda again. In fact, it would be foolish to think that way. But maybe I need to see where this information takes me. I like the idea of comparing sugar substitutes to a gateway drug. For some reason, limiting sugar substitutes in my diet seems more manageable than trying to control an overwhelming urge for sugar.

Searching for answers

Mood: Pleasant!
Energy: Moderate
Physical symptoms: Mild (feeling overheated throughout the day, some facial swelling)


It's been said that Sjogren's Syndrome is, in some way, affected by female hormones, specifically estrogen. Given that I had a baby about 5 months ago, it is no surprise that I have been having a flare of my symptoms and feeling generally crummy since that time.  I have been waiting for my hormonal cycle to reset itself before freaking out too much about just how crummy I feel.

The time has come!

I have officially returned to my cycle and can notice a difference in my symptoms. I have more energy and stamina, I feel more patient and compassionate, and I feel more creative and curious. What a gift.

I've been improving my diet and activity in the last couple of weeks. Eating many more fruits and vegetables, going to fitness classes during the week and on weekends. Honestly, I thought I noticed a difference in the way my body looked in the mirror this morning. I can't tell what the difference is, but something was notably different.

I've promised you a new recipe for my healthy livin' life. From Ancient Wisdom, Modern Kitchen: Recipes from the East for Health, Healing, and Long Life, I present Champion Chicken with Goji Berries.  Enjoy.

2T vegetable oil
2 cloves garlic peeled and minced
1 (.5-1 inch) piece of fresh ginger peeled and minced
3-4 pounds skinless chicken breasts
2 medium sized green onions, chopped into half inch pieces
3-4T rice wine or dry sherry
2T soy sauce
2T goji berries
1.5c water or stock
1t dark sesame oil

1. Heat vegetable oil in a pan, add the garlic and ginger and cook until the garlic is golden (about 5 mins).
2. Place the chicken, garlic, ginger, freen onions, wine, soy sauce, goji berries, and water in a pot.
3. Bring the mixture to a boil, then cover and lower the heat to a simmer. Cook for about 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through.
4. Sprinkle the sesame oil on top as a finishing touch.
5. Serve in a bowl with some of the broth or on top of rice with the broth as a gravy.

Note: I haven't actually made this recipe yet. It looks pretty simple, but I have yet to locate goji berries.  If you have any tips on where to find them, let me know!

I'm working on it...

...and it's really hard.  :(

Heading to lunchtime pilates at work. It's a great benefit to working here.

I am slowly crawling my way back up on the wagon...one peach/pear/blueberry at a time.  :)

I commit to you, my reading audience, that I will have one gluten free recipe chosen by the end of tomorrow.

Falling off the Wagon...and getting back on?

Mood: .:raspberry:.
Energy: snore
Physical symptoms: mild

I have totally fallen off the wagon today.

Candy, candy, candy...

All this week, up until today, I had been eating a proper amount of fruits and vegetables everyday. I've been feeling just super. Good mood. Good energy.

Today, however, has become an exercise in self-punishment. What on Earth is happening today?

I know I didn't sleep so well last night. The baby woke up at 2am and needed a bunch of crap cleaned up. She wouldn't go back to sleep, so the hubs and I took turns trying to help her.

I promised Big G a treat if he got going on time today and had a completely planned relapse at our favorite convenience store. Then, the avalanche just kept rolling!

Luckily, tonight is an acupuncture appointment night. I haven't had a terrible "fall-off-the-wagon" kind of day since my last acupuncture session, so maybe this is a good sign that these days are fewer and further between.

Attitude is everything, right?

Movie Night

Saw a decent movie last night... :)

Final opinion?

Boogie Nights + Flashdance = Magic Mike

It was great to hang out with girlfriends at the movies. Puts a little gas in the ol' tank.

Power Breakfast!

Mood: Good!
Energy Level: Med-high
Physical symptoms: non-existent

Yesterday, I stayed away from all caffeine. I had a bitch of a headache when I went to bed last night, but I still maintained. And I slept like a rock! Like a big boulder on the banks of a river: still, peaceful and solid.

This morning, I had the most delicious smoothie for breakfast!

1 banana
1 cup blueberries
1T honey
1T flax meal
1 cup nonfat plain yogurt
1 cup skim milk

I am craving crackers right now...mmm...like a nice buttery townhouse cracker. 

I am attending yoga class at lunchtime today. And I'll be damned if I didn't forget my lunch. .:sigh:.

Hoping yoga goes well. Have a great day!

:Jump to two hours later:

I skipped yoga. I was super hungry and decided that felt more important. And I really learned a lesson about adequate planning of meals and snacks to avoid the midday slump which makes it easy to skip yoga.

New plan:
-determine lunch the night before to prevent last minute scramble
-find good snacks to keep at my desk. I will report back tomorrow.